Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
pop tarts are not kleenex
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
