Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
