i was born a porn star she said
you win again, gameday.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
