between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
