Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
