Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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