What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize