I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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