so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize