So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dick very happy bro
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
