Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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