I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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