the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
