My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
