some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
