I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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