I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
