All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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