wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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