Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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