Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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