It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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