It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
