New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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