C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize