They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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