the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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