The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
