3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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