My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
