once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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