I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
