I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
