Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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