I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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