Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
