Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Damn victory sex feels great
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
