from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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