I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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