Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This baby is an asshole
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
