I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
