Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
