That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
