I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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