i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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