All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
