Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
