Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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