Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
