Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
