And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
