I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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