Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he fucked my hip out of place.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
