I am puke
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
