I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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