we have pet lesbian snakes
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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