The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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