They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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