I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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