I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
