Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
