I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
