Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
