T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
