Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
