Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
