i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
