Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
