dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
