Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have grass duct taped all over my body
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize