woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
