Please, let me fuck your mom
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
