If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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