so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
