you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
