hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize