When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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