i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
