don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
