And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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