i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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