I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
