We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
