My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
