Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
