if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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