Michael Bay diarrhea
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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