I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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